October 30, 2012
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Not The Best Of Things
I have an appointment with a specialist in the morning…and frankly, I am dreading it.
The foot surgery last year was supposed to save the tendon, and restore my mobility—at least that was MY idea. When the implant saved the tendon, the doctor in NJ was quite pleased…despite the MRSA. But my foot took forever to heal…and no, I am not diabetic. It hurt brutally—bone pain, for a long time. I got back limited mobility—but I can’t walk more than a few blocks, or stand for longer than an hour, without a long recovery period (usually two days).
I’m not bitching. Just the facts.
Think about your life…think about trying to fit it into ONE HOUR a day.
Not an hour and fifteen…60 minutes TOTAL.
Every step…every trip to the bathroom…every up and down the stairs…all of it is counted in the total. So as anxious as I am to see YET another doctor…I NEED my life back. I need to be able to walk. And for the last six months, there has been no improvement. I was writing to a friend today about the pain scale they use…you know…when they ask you how much something hurts, on a scale of 1-10. That amuses the HELL out of me. I don’t usually bother a doctor with less than a 6-7…no lie, no joke. My average day is 5-6. I don’t bother with pain meds for less than a six—and try to tough it out til 7.
I won’t lie…when it hits 7, I am cranky…and yes, i usually cry. If I can’t break it, an hour at 7 results in me not being very articulate. If I were a fox or something, I would probably want to gnaw off the part that hurts about then. I’ve been in ER’s when some jerk admits to a TWO. A TWO? You went to a damned emergency room for a TWO? Weenie. If I were the staff, I would tell you to get the FUCK out for a two. For a small kid, fine…no pain is ok for a kid. But Jesus…GROW a pair. Anyway…I need to be able to work. I need to be able to take care of myself. I need to walk.
So I will go to another doctor…let him poke and prod me.
I will tell him what worked in the past…or didn’t…and hope he will respect that while he has the degree, I have the decade plus of experience with Chronic Pain. I am not going there to waste his time…and I am hoping this one will LISTEN. Better…I’m hoping he has something in his bag of tricks that might actually help. I am SO not about “pain control” at this point. NO meds please…just…maybe…if you could…FIX the damned thing? I don’t want to trade one pain for another. I don’t really like the idea of surgery again…but if you could make it work? I watch people walking around—just having a stroll…and I am so ENVIOUS. I want that again. I want to walk a few blocks—and not have to count my steps, or minutes. I want to go to a museum—or a botanical garden and not have to use one of those stupid carts…because it hurts too much to walk myself. I want to go to Salem with my daughter…and not have to be limited to just a few places…I want that So much…
So…good thoughts, please? I don’t need perfect…but better than an hour would be…well…pretty spectacular.
Wish me luck…I don’t want to yell at this one…
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Comments (9)
@whyzat - Thanks…it’s a different state…so I am hoping…
Good luck and good wishes. I hope you get a good doctor.
Hmm, I wonder if a accupuncturist would teach you the spots to insert needles to deaden the pain? Then again I suppose there are drugs that you can administer (via syringe) to deaden the pain in certain parts of the body or a visiting nurse could do it?
Just think of how much money you can make if you knew how to deaden all sorts of pain, it looks like an industry just begging for practicioners.
@PPhilip - Sorry…needles have done me all sort of harm.
I know acupuncture is supposed to be different—but I still have never damage in my low back from the “block” that was supposed to kill my pain during delivery. I have been wary of any sort of needle ever since. But thank you for the thought,
i am so very sorry you feel such pain. hugs
i am sending you positive good groovy thoughts. i hope this one works out and doesn’t YOUR time.
i’ve felt discouraged by doctors in the recent past.sometimes it’s hard too to put so much faith in them
we want you to be as pain-free as possible, so you can do all those things people take for granted. you deserve it
good luck to you in actually gettin the problem fixed
Hugging you…You understand.
Stay strong.
Best wishes. I hope you’re on the mend soon.
Well I hope you find a good and caring, considerate doctor. I know that might be a bit of a trick these days, but lemme let you in on a little secret. It’s how LONG he spends with you, listens to you, maintains eye contact, and responds to what you say. That’s what I’ve learned since I see them so often.
And it’s that time of year so I wanted to wish you and your own a very Happy Halloween ! [Card]