March 13, 2013
-
Seriously WRONG
My daughter requested her academic records and files to use at her college. She got a chance to read what her teachers had written about her…particularly in grade school. Back then, I knew they were clueless…but seriously…I had NO idea how far removed they were from reality. Their professional “assessment” of my daughter, her work, and her potential is downright scary. It made her laugh a few times…but mostly, she was pretty pissed at how they wrote her off. She was ten at the time.
Desi is a strong student in math, science, history and literature. She’s a gifted writer, and is doing fantastic in college…now in her senior year. Next Spring she will be taking her practicum, and her school is pretty demanding.
So when she read that thought she had trouble writing? Or that she was awful with math, or complex concepts?
I don’t blame her. I knew they were limiting her even then…just as I knew they simply COULDN’T BE trusted with her education. Desi had stopped being a child—or even a student to the district teachers. Instead, she was a “problem”. Think for a moment how humans work. Some people will Rube Goldberg stuff to death, rather than deal with the issues. They will mash things together with tape, paper clips, and chewing gum…then curse when the “quick fixes” don’t work. Some people will actually consider WHAT is going wrong, and try to make an effort at repair. And some rare souls will try to figure out WHY something is wonky—so it will work correctly in the future.
The district didn’t have such far sighted individuals.
I recall one particularly nightmarish shrew. She had a preference for children who had been in day care before school…finding them “better behaved and more mature”. I found her stated preference offensive. Desi didn’t go to day care…and she was one of the best behaved and politest children you’d hope to meet. This same bitch from hell set my daughter back nearly two years in math—by insisting that Desi NOT do math in her head. Desi had issues with handwriting—so writing it down took a huge amount of time. But she could do the calculations in her head instantly. Madame BITCH told her she was not allowed to…and it was two years before another teacher was able to figure out why Desi was math phobic…and was in fact GIFTED at math.
My daughter survived some godawful treatment…some of it at the hands of some godawful teachers.
It shouldn’t have come as a surprise—but we were also pretty upset by the “personal observations” the so called educators made on her school records.
Thank god Desi proved resilient.
And thank god she decided that she will teach herself…so maybe some kids will get the chance they would have missed with someone else.
Post a Comment
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Comments (11)
I remember that school wanted me to unlearn my speech impediment or accent. They were trying to teach me to say TH e Those, that instead of de, dose and dat. Strangely the homosexuals do not have trouble pronouncing their th’s.
You would also think that Asians would get a pass in not studying black history (maybe get to study discrimination towards the Chinese in California.) If you are at a school with a majority of black students, that definitely was a bad suggestion and you would have to study black history.
Be very glad that Desi was born not in the fifties. There were less women going to College because they gave guys more attention to help them go to College. Nowadays it is reversed and there are more women going to college than guys.
I guess I had similar problems?
In the 4th grade in white people New York I wanted to be a 5 star general like my peers. My teacher simply shook her head at me and said, “No.” And repeated herself and repeated herself. I never understood why until years later I understood what prejudice meant. (In one residence the only neighbor that would let me in their house and play with me once told me I couldn’t stay at his house because his babysitter is prejudice. I didn’t understand what that meant for a few more years.)
In the 7th grade my math teacher yelled at me in front of the class, “What are you doing?! This isn’t Abed’s world of math!”
I became so accustom to… I don’t even know what to call it. By high school and even well into college compliments were so alien to me I couldn’t wrap my head around what kind of insult the person was trying to make. I wasn’t trying to second guess people, that’s just how alien compliments were.
It does wonders for your psyche, I assure you.
But so does realizing you’re brighter than most people.
A little bit of support could have gone such a long, long way. Could’ve prevented squandering of time, sub zero self esteem and confidence, ages of absence of motivation, and perhaps could’ve even provided actual motivation, direction, energy.
What’s sad about our educational institutions is even if you could remold them into something through which youth could play to their strengths… it’s as if in the end they have nothing to play their strengths to. Apprenticeship is by and far dead. You’re thrown into a giant question mark and there are too many heavy anxieties for even the talented, gifted, to trailblaze their own niche through.
In the very least your daughter is lucky to have you as a mother (as I am mine, albeit I’m the pampered son). I think the blessings of that can tip the scale favorably more than anyone has the sense or statistics to give credit for. =P
I’m glad she’s going to be a teacher. She’s an example of one’s negative experiences making one better. It doesn’t always happen that way.
I was lucky in that I had mostly good and supportive teachers. I do remember the teachers who were not so.
You are a good mother for supporting your daughter’s educational goals and potential.
I had similar problems with my teachers, and I hated them. I didn’t find that with any of my children. When my daughter was in 5th grade, that teacher, (bitch) insisted my daughter’s creative writing wasn’t good. And when I check them, it was good. I knew then that my daughter wouldn’t do much in this school, and thank goodness we moved and both were able to go to a better school.
My brother had a lot of problems in school back in the day and my mom always said that it was like the teachers were constantly trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. None of them had any idea how to deal with him (he has/had ADHD inattentive type).
@versatil - Since we have spoken in passing I know that you refer, roughly, to the same place where I live and went to school…the “labels” may have changed, but the mentality is the same. It is why I left the profession of teaching before I even got my own classroom…
I have CP. I am ONLY AFFECTED PHYSICALLY, and have a genius-level IQ (read at 2, was able to spell “philosophy” when most kids were spelling “it” and “is”). But my teachers never thought I was any good, only seeing the disability…I proved them all wrong. I have no doubt Desi will continue to do the same.
@sleekpunk - No sweetie…I am an awful mother…I did not see the issues in time, and it took an amazing amount of work to get my daughter properly classified and OUT of that toxic situation. I was blessed that Desi was resilient…that they had not managed to kill off her spirit…but I remember 18 months when she barely spoke…and how very willing they seemed to be to let her slip through the cracks. All I did was fight for her…and refuse t accept their concept of who Desi was, when I knew it didn’t match the child I knew.
But thanks…she gets all the credit here…I’m just the grateful mom.
It’s the low educational standards here. For some reason we want to see and are taught math as a right brain thinking method and I severely disagree with that assesment. It’s a left brain creative subject and should be taught as such. Too many very ept math minded people fall through the cracks because of that.
@PhoenixFighting - I can’t seem to stop thinking Control Panel and imagining a 2 year old guiding ruthless teachers to literally knock each others heads (either that or Stewie Griffin).
What is CP? Feel free to elaborate as much as you desire.
There’s a great book I was recommended, it’s called Now, Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham. If you buy it new you can take their online test thing and help get some deeper insight into your own self, but either way it provides some really interesting observations about the lack of a positivity in our language. It is not a coincidence that we are so inclined to point out others’ faults and bring them down. Asides from that probably just being human nature, this absence in language and cultures is suffocating and the masses are no better for it.
Congrats to Desi for getting through that wretched stretch of “teaching.” Sorta reminds me of my own experiences. This all reminds me of the expression, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Still, life could be so much easier, more just, better, if students in school were taught and nurtured properly.