clearing the decks of two complex lives,
can take a bit of doing---
but i needed you last night
needed you pressed to my skin,
intimate intensity.
I needed to taste the roses
inked to you,
to feel your fingers in my hair,
to be every bit a woman
to your ever bit a man,
and it amazes me
when lives fall away with clothing,
and you say my name
like the only prayer you can recall,
open your arms
and bring me to a place
where I am as always
passionately yours.

I got an interesting email yesterday from a Huff Post Staffer, asking if I was interested in being part of a discussion webcast on mothers and daughters. Sounded like fun, so I went for it. The topic was about if it was possible for mothers and daughters to be friends. Now I'm the first one to get creep-ed out when a woman my age announces that she is BFF's with her teenaged daughter...but factually speaking, I also acknowledge that the relationship between parents and adult children MUST change in time. The more a child takes responsibility for his or her own life, the less actual "parenting" we do.

Yes, we are "always" going to be mom or dad...but something else needs to fill in the totalitarian nature of the early parental role.

The relationships that always troubled me, were when parents in the name of love, actually crippled their kids by doing too much. I knew one mother daughter team that ended up tragic. The mother constantly gave her daughter not only financial support, but made it possible for her to pursue a worthless advance degree. Despite impressive credentials, her daughter's field paid a whopping 30K a year...so her parents continued to "supplement" her income, and pay her expenses. One day, her mother got Cancer...and after a year or so died.  The daughter faced not only the normal grief---but a sudden shock of losing a lot of her supplemental income. Her dad was far less inclined to subsidize the life his daughter lived. (Not that I blame him, really.)

But this was something you could have seen from a mile off. Neither the daughter, nor her mother were innocent. The daughter accepted a lot more involvement (and therefore control) from her mother in her life than most families would accept, in exchange for extra money. She did not work in high school, college, or grad school...and was perfectly happy to let her mom "drive", so to speak. I'm not sure they were "friends", but their dynamic was certainly unusual.

One of the young women on the panel had an odd situation as well. She and her mom are close in age...19 and 40.(Not that close, you might say...but wait.) Apparently her mom was a MILF...the mom in the neighborhood who wore "young clothes", and was always trying to look hot...and she found herself competing with Mom for guys. OUCH. And yes, inappropriate. She said he mom was NOT her friend...and I got that. But it also sounds like she never was a "mom" either. A few months back, I wrote here about how my daughter and I became close...and I have to admit, I felt guilt about it.

No, I am not one of the women trying to cling desperately to my youth...but I found the panel fascinating. When they put it online, i will leave the link. I wrote over at Facebook that Yes, there does have to be boundaries, but there should NEVER be brick walls...because that is how we lose each other.

I wrote yesterday a partial list of why I think our current Governor is a joke---and should not be allowed near the White House under any circumstances. You may recall the bit of about him blocking the implementation of NJ's LEGAL (as in already passed) Medical Marijuana Law, while saying he will defy the feds for Sports Gambling. TODAY he announced that he thinks the "War On Drugs" is a failure. Begun by Nixon, it was later substantially boosted by Reagan. It continued to be policy through BOTH BUSHES...but now, it's all a big mistake.

Gee Chris...how many people did you put away for that "mistake" while you were a state prosecutor?

But Now that you're whoring yourself for the VP slot, it's all just terrible.

How does the man sleep at night, I wonder?

Despite his repeated weak denials, it sounds like the Romney camp is still considering Chris Christie for VP.

Now much as I would love this ill tempered, cranky, vile buffoon out of Trenton, I love America too much to put him in the position of First Runner Up for the Presidency.

I live in NJ.

I've heard them call him a "rock star", and unless they are talking about Ted Nugent (and that is a stretch) not in a million years. I will not go near the easy stuff---attacking him for his weight. That's just stupid. I will say that it pisses me off that a 200 pound woman would NEVER have gotten elected, but somehow they had no trouble with a 400 pound man.

NO...I have MANY better reasons to detest his version of "leadership".

They keep talking about the "NJ Miracle". What a STEAMING pile of horseshit. The only "Miracle" is that more of us are not on food stamps, considering some of his policies. He has cut services, including the Office of the Advocate---for many the ONLY legal aid they could afford. That means if you are poor, and have a dispute with your landlord, you are SOL...unless you happen to have 20K stashed away for legal costs. Thanks Christie...I'm sure that will really help with the 42 BILLION dollar debt we owe.

And after two years of cutting everything possible, he STILL wants to borrow an extra 2 BILLION, so he won't have to raise the taxes on the richest 6 percent. Our tax codes are rife with all sorts of goodie the wealthy can exploit. If you own a palatial estate ( Huge house, plenty of acres) you can donate 500 bucks worth of fallen wood from your trees, and call it "a family Farm"...taking your taxes from 10's of thousands to 2400 a year.  A real miracle would have been closing that loophole...but I don't see laughing boy doing it.

He has a vicious temper, as evidenced by the MANY Youtube clips that show him losing it, because someone did not agree with his policies, or had the nerve to question him.

He used the helicopters as if they were private limos, to attend things like his kid's ball game. They cost more than 10K a day to run...not counting his usage of the State Troopers. He usually travels with 4.

He's made a SHITLOAD of bad decisions since he was elected...including trashing the new tunnel project into NYC, even though it meant we still had to pay 250 million dollars to feds. He decided that he didn't want to answer the questions the Feds asked about our school funding...and lost us 600 MILLION in grants. There was another 450 million lost in a different pissing contest...but you might understand why I am underwhelmed by his Nibs? Oh...and then he cut school aid in no comprehensible fashion---forcing the districts to either raise property taxes, or cut their services. If you are a fan of cuts, you might say "Good Job!"...but the courts overturned the cuts a year later. So we ended up paying for that TWICE.

Gee Thanks, Chris.

He has offered hundreds of millions of dollars to support an elite shopping mall up by the Meadowlands called Xanadu....the brain child of a billionaire from NYC...all in the name of "job creation".

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/29/nyregion/deal-reached-to-expand-xanadu-mall-project-in-nj.html?pagewanted=all

Now lately, I've noticed that the normal malls are looking pretty peaky...empty, in other words. I am betting that a luxury mall isn't going to do terribly well.  And most of those "jobs" would be minimum wage jobs. Funny thing. In this state, Minimum wage is not a "living wage".  You need 80 hours a week to cover rent alone in most areas---and those job have no bennies. You get sick? You lose pay. That simple. Which brings us to the next topic. There is a state department for "affordable housing". (Yes, in NJ, that's an oxymoron.) They try to encourage towns to build housing that the poor, or even the middle class can afford. Part of the reason they exist is because of the economic discrimination that was rampant in the Mount Laurel cases, One and Two. The Mount Laurel cases were brought because the town came up with extremely restrictive building codes, that essentially made it impossible for any housing to be built for anyone who made less than 100K...and this was in the 80's. Included was a law that stated that you had to have a bedroom for EACH child. They claimed it was prevent incest, but the courts tossed that one out like a Frisbee. Why is this important? Because Christie wants to either abolish the Department for Affordable Housing, or to reduce it to utterly powerless.

Towns used to flourish with all kinds of people, and all levels of income.  You could start out with humble roots---but you had half a chance at better.  Now, unless Trump's your dad, you can kiss that goodbye...and Christie LOVES the idea.

His wife is employed by Goldman Sachs, if I am not mistaken...and their income exceeds 500K a year. Nothing wrong with that...except that he is blocking any move that would raise HIS taxes...while raising mine. Not quite cricket, that.

He has finally given additional money to Special Education, after demanding for the last two years that the number of kids sent out of district be REDUCED by 8 percent, each year. As someone who had special knowledge of special needs placement, I can tell you that NO ONE is classified unless they seriously need to be. I fought for 18 months to get it for my daughter. So when you make a "mandatory" cut like that, you're saying that 8 percent of the kids DID NOT GET THE EDUCATION THEY NEEDED. (And it's against the federal statute known as IDEA...but why quibble.)

A few months back, Christie stood on a NJ beach and said he was TIRED of the FEDS INTERFERING WITH STATE POLICY...so he was going to allow Sports Gambling in NJ. In the mean time, access to medical marijuana, which has been LEGAL since before his nibs hit Trenton, still languishes...because he doesn't want to defy federal law.

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-june-27-2012/of-vice-and-men---new-york-weed-bill-dies---chris-christie-s-veto-threat

So...basically he's an idiot, who has done nothing to help the majority of this state.

Last year, my property tax rose by 25 PERCENT, boys and girls.

My income did not increase...but i got HALF the tax return back...which suggests strongly that my taxes DOUBLED on income.

So if you think Christie is a shining star, I suggest you think again.

Don't do to the country, what Laughing Boy has done to NJ.

So last night (with it being 100 degrees) Desi and I hit the Redbox looking for movies. We grabbed the new Sherlock Holmes, and a second film called the SUING THE DEVIL, with Malcolm Mc Dowell. Now Malcolm is well known for eclectic movies like Clockwork Orange, Caligula (ummmm...yeah) and most recently playing an excellent bad guy. In short, I like his work.

But I wouldn't expect him to be making movies for a studio that generates proselytizing, Christian viewing. I would also have expected a movie like that to be labeled in a way that you could TELL what you were renting. Yes, the disc was NR...yes it was "family viewing", but we've rented those before and never dealt with FIVE references to "Jesus Christ, My Personal Savior: in the first three minutes.

I have no issue with making such films. I have no issue with them being rented. But when they give NO WARNING that you're going to be subjected to that sort thing, it pisses me off. Redbox gave me a credit, mostly because the description they were given made it sound like a "Devil & Daniel Webster" sort of comedy...Not something they could show at Jesus Camp.

So a word to those who rent movies...beware this one, and if the studio name is Bridgestone, there is an excellent change it is more of the same.

And hey...for those who ARE Christian, you might look for the same studio...maybe it's your thing.

And no, I don't believe a single person as ever "Found Jesus" as a result of deception.

Pardon me, but I am PISSED.

A salon in NYC is offering a half price discount to girls under 15 who come in for "personal waxing".

They are billing it as "safe, natural, and pleasant".

A thread over at HUFF POST is filling up with people defending it, saying among other charming things "If it's started to grow, it's time to mow".

The whole practice of ripping out a woman's pubic hair has always struck me as savage.

It is a fashion trend...period.

There is nothing "natural" about it, since the hair is a natural barrier to protect women against infections.

It's not "pleasant", based on the reports of women who had it done, and continue to do so, because they don't want to look "gross".

It's not safe, because apparently women can get yeast infections, and even bacterial infections as a result of it, but are STILL EXPECTED TO COMPLY WITH THE FASHION.

My most recent comment was that I find it WEIRD that we are teaching young girls (that's UNDER 15, mind you) to be less concerned about their health, than they are about what strangers who are staring at their crotches might think of them, for not waxing.

One person said my argument was "weak".

I differ. I think it is WEAK to teach young girls that their crotches MUST look a certain way...for other people.

Men generally do not shave, wax, or shock the roots of their pubic hair. Even if they did, it generally doesn't result in internal infections. Maybe I am being extreme here, but WHAT THE HELL is the POINT? Are we really teaching our young women:

1. YOU MUST LOOK LIKE BARBIE TO BE SEXY.(right down to her crotch.)

2.  Removing the hair from your genitals is the ONLY way to attract men sexually.

3. If it gives you an infection, tough. Beauty is pain...and apparently disease as well.

4. Don't expect men to perform the same sort of rituals...they don't HAVE to.

5, Why is something so completely UNNATURAL rated as "hot"?

Seriously?

I am using some new software...something called Do Not Track Plus...and in less than an hour of online surfing, discovered over three hundred tracking attempts on my computer. Xanga is not as bad as Facebook. Huff Post is NUTS...14 attempts in three minutes. But if you don't want to be "spied on " it might be worth trying...

My personal cut off between real grown ups (my age) and kids (a decade or more younger) is if they can remember summers without Air Conditioning.

I grew up in the 60's...and AC was rare.

The local public library had it...movie theaters...and the occasional rich relative...but that was it.

Buses and trains had windows...but not AC.

When cars started getting air conditioning, it was a BIG deal.

But I remember summer days when the heat was gruesome...and you would have killed for a decent breeze. Jersey City was mostly concrete and blacktop back then...and the local "park" didn't have grass, trees, or even bushes. There was next to no shade, and even the roof (think of it as a tiny beach made of tar) was only good for sun tanning...and in high heat  you could feel it through your flip flops.

We drank water. (Soda was an expensive luxury, and even KoolAid was too expensive.)

I used to love Italian ices...they were better than ice cream when it was THAT hot...and I remember playing OUTSIDE, in the sun. I didn't LIKE to. But my mother was convinced that tans were "healthy", and she hated my pale skin. So every day I got kicked out during vacation. I figured out about the Library before I was 8. It was a long walk (seven or eight blocks away) but it had Air Conditioning, Books...and wonder of wonders, a CHILLED water fountain. When I was about ten, they also acquired another magic device...a XEROX MACHINE. I remember saving money for a week (I collected glass bottles for the deposits) so I could afford not only a coke, and a piece of melon on the way home, but for the privilege of COPYING something. I remember it cost a dime a page...and it seemed like alchemy. I can still remember the smell of the toner they used...sort of like ink, but not quite.  I read my way through the kids section in one summer.

And the "park" near my house had a "sprinkler". It was a metal pole, topped with a circle that had an array of water nozzles on it. There was a metal door in the ground, usually painted green, and locked.  We were city kids however...and most padlocks were no match for a decent sized rock, and some determined kids.  (Not I...I was too terrified of authority and cops to risk it...but once the lock was gone, I was only too willing to open the latches.) Under the door was a deep square of concrete...with some pipes jutting from the ground. Once, they had handles on them, but too many kids ran the Sprinklers at night...so they removed them. If you were clever, and knew where to put a lock jaw wrench, you could turn it on again though.

My dad was usually the adult that did that...and you could stand under the sprinkler and soak up freezing cold water. Some of us preferred to splash in the puddles the Sprinkler made... and the water turned tepid fast after it hit the hot concrete.  The routine was the same...you would get soaked, then sit in the sun until your hair dried...then back under the jets again...and during the day at least, this was how we survived the heat. Night was worse. Without a breeze, the house always felt oppressively hot. We didn't have fans, because my dad was a bear about the power bill.  I remember hot, humid nights, trying to sleep on sweaty sheets and hating it.  When the heat DID break, you were always so grateful...until the next heat wave.

I wonder how people make it today. My house lacks a working central air system. We use one window unit, which blessedly keeps us comfortable within reason...but when those storms hit DC, they took out power, and people today are just not used to heat anymore. I try not to think of how bad it can get without the unit, even if it does run up the power bill. But i remember popsicles, sucking on ice cubes, making fans out of just about anything...all sorts of ways to not be THAT hot...So...what do you remember?

http://books.google.com/books?id=Q_W-7V51ySUC&pg=PA58&lpg=PA58&dq=Dancing+lessons%2C+Lisa+Shields&source=bl&ots=7EloKM7TS5&sig=NoQpq6JPgLbGLxo5UsxIeFO-1h8&hl=en&sa=X&ei=MujwT5eRNaeo6wG31qiPBg&ved=0CFsQ6AE

Excerpts from my book, published in 2005....

1) Insurance companies can no longer impose lifetime coverage limits on your insurance. Never again will you face the risk of getting really sick and then, a few months in, having your insurer tell you, "Sorry, you've 'run out' of coverage." Almost everyone I've met knows someone who had insurance but got really, really sick (or had a kid get really sick) and ran into a lifetime cap.

(I know half a dozen people this will  help.)

2) If you don't know someone who has run into a lifetime cap, you probably know someone who has run into an annual cap. The use of these will be sharply limited. (They'll be eliminated entirely in 2014.)

3) Insurers can no longer tell kids with preexisting conditions that they'll insure them "except for" the preexisting condition. That's called preexisting condition exclusion, and it's out the window.

(This is particularly important to Little People---most weho suffer from illnesses and afflictions directly related to their dwarfism---which was previously exempt form coverage.)

4) A special, temporary program will help adults with preexisting conditions get coverage. It expires in 2014, when the health insurance exchanges—basically big "pools" of businesses and individuals—come on-line. That's when all insurers will have to cover everyone, preexisting condition or not. Insurance has always made money---even when they actually paid claims. This will not "hurt" the industry.

5) Insurance companies can't drop you when you get sick, either—this plan means the end of "rescissions."

(This one is self explanatory...but we've all heard of people being denied coverage when they tried to use it...that's over too.)

6) You can stay on your parents' insurance until you're 26.

7) Seniors get $250 towards closing the "doughnut hole" in their prescription drug coverage. Currently, prescription drug coverage ends once you've spent $2,700 on drugs and it doesn't kick in again until you've spent nearly $6,200. James Ridgeway wrote about the problems with the doughnut hole for Mother Jones in the September/October 2008 issue. Eventually, the health care reform bill will close the donut hole entirely. The AARP has more on immediate health care benefits for seniors. Next year (i.e., in nine months), 50 percent of the doughnut hole will be covered.

8) Medicare's preventive benefits now come with a free visit with your primary care doctor every year to plan out your prevention services. And there are no more co-pays for preventative services in Medicare.

9) This is a big one: Small businesses get big tax credits—up to 50 percent of premium costs—for offering health insurance to their workers. (This is win/win...t)oo many small businesses were getting skinned alive for insurance.

10) Insurers with unusually high administrative costs have to offer rebates to their customers, and every insurance company has to reveal how much it spends on overhead. (FREAKING YES...enough of the bullshit of calling EVERYTHING overheard, so a major corpoation can claim it made almost no money.)