The Song is  100 Years, of course.     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tR-qQcNT_fY&ob=av2n

Currently Playlist: The Very Best of Five For Fighting By Five For Fighting see related

 

A few years back, I was stuck in a line at Target. Behind me were three young women, with five young children.  The girls were 17-20. The babies were newborn to about three. At first glance, you might have taken them for Big Sisters, running errands for their parents, and taking their siblings along for the ride. But no. They were moms. The breakdown seemed to be two kids each, and one who had just one toddler. They started talking...and before you accuse me of eavesdropping, I have observed in the last few years that people have  lost whatever skill they once had at having a "discrete" conversation in public. Maybe it's because they spend too much time YELLING into cell phones. Maybe they just don't care that they can be heard. Take your pick. But this was not a quiet chat. The girls were on the loud side.

I've long wondered if the Universe enjoys screwing with me like this. I constantly am in range for the most jaw dropping conversations...no matter how hard I try to avoid them. It also may be part of the reason I am a writer...I never lack for material...and honest to god..you CAN'T make this shit up.

 

So this is more or less what I heard...

 

"Oh Brit...he's SO CUTE!" (cooing at the latest baby) "I REALLY want another one...but my mom would KILL me."

Brittany laughed.

"Don't be stupid. If you want to have another, just DO it. What are they going to do? Throw their grandkid in the street?"

"I don't know...they were really pissed when I had Jared..."

"Please..it's not like you're DOING anything right now. If you have another one in the next year, they're close enough. And then when they are older, you can do what you want with your life. So just have another one, and get it out of the way."

 

They talked so more...complaining about the sort of things teen moms do. No money. How their moms MADE them stay home with the babies...no a young dad in sight, from what I cold tell.  I stood there, appalled. They actually thought this was a plan.  Sure, anyone can get pregnant by accident, rather than intent. There are antibiotics and antihistamines that can render birth control bills useless. Condoms break. I don't do blame about accidental pregnancies. They Happen.  But this wasn't the deal here. These girls already had that experience...and acquired ZERO in the way of intelligence from it. They were having babies they had no plan for. They were actually thinking of having more babies...even though they had no way to support them.  To "get it out of the way."

Ever want to scream at a stranger? Ever think of shaking them? Like that. That's not my way...believe it or  not, I don't run around telling strangers how to run their lives. But I glanced at the babies, and their young moms, and wondered how they could be SO STUPID. (and yes, I AM JUDGING. Adjust.) When a woman decides to have a baby, that is her decision. I happen to believe that once you do, you owe it to your child to be the best parent you can. That includes not making really dumb ass life choices...but that's me. And if you're wondering at my upset...allow me to explain.

I had a neighbor who's daughter was a handful. She loathed her parents. So when she was 15, she made this plan. Everyone at her school had heard her talk about it. She was going to get pregnant---and get one of those Welfare apartments. Then she wouldn't have to deal with her mother and father. At 16, she put step A of her plan into effect. She got pregnant. She then concealed the pregnancy until she was six months along, going so far as to FAKE periods, and plant bloody pads in the bathroom trash.  Her parents freaked, of course. Worse...her choice for a baby daddy was even more appalling. She'd been seeing a 19 year old from South America...who also dealt drugs. We know that because he got arrested just before the baby was born. Since he wasn't a citizen, they planned to deport him. My neighbor's daughter went apeshit.  She DEMANDED that her parents pay for a lawyer for him, to keep him in the US. If they didn't, she would follow him to his own country...and they would never see their grandchild. Her family wasn't rich...but they did have college  money set aside for both their children. That went to the cost of the lawyer. (Which meant her BROTHER's college money too, btw) She had the baby..her parents fell in love with him...and then the shit REALLY flew. The couple got married...but that did not save him form being deported. To her parent's horror, she decided to follow him to South America.  When she go there, she got a few little surprises.  1. Her espouse already HAD a family. 2. His relatives preferred his FIRST family...not the spoiled little gringa who thought they owed her something. 3. His family was wealthy...but he was not. 4. Being his legal wife meant NOTHING to anyone. So she begged fro money to come back to the states...and returned here.  The next few years, they often heard "Do this...or I will take the baby and you will never see him again...".

My contempt for her is pretty blatant. She made a baby to be a pawn, to get back at her parents. She used the baby later, anytime they didn't want to do whatever she demanded. She exploited almost everyone, then fell back on the system to support her when the baby's dad couldn't be bothered. I mentioned how I feel about parenting? That it's a commitment? An obligation? That once you decide to be a parent, you OWE your child the best you can be...which doesn't include this sort of nonsense? So when the young moms were having their war council at Target, i found myself wondering. Are these kids out of their minds? We typically think of teen parents as having babies because of accidents...but this sort of thing?  Babies are not fashion accessories. They aren't a wedge to force people to do your bidding, and they aren't leverage. Children should never feel like mistakes...but even worse, they should never feel like part of a con.

 

We have those shows now---to show the young adults what life is like trying to parent alone...sort of like a video version of Baby Think It Over.  But now they have girls getting pregnant...hoping to get on the show. They repeat over and over to the young mothers...8 of 10 of the young fathers will be out of their child's life by the end of it's first year...but the girls always seem to expect they will be one of the lucky ones...and that just baffles me.  I was a teenager once. Getting pregnant before I was ready to have a child was my biggest nightmare.  I made sure it didn't happen...but I just can't fathom how in a society so immersed with sexuality, and sexual imagery ANYONE can claim ignorance about how babies are made.  I can't understand that with the wealth of information on so many topics, the teens STILL believe the same myths about sex and pregnancy that they did in my day. They can Google info on the hottest game, movie, or fashion...but contraception is too much trouble.

 

 

And this is the world my daughter will have...which scares the HELL out of me. I made sure she was not ignorant. I just wish other parents had done the same too...

 

OK...this is special.

Desi (my beloved daughter) is going to be away for Easter at Salem. I hoped to swing a trip up that weekend to see her...but I don't think it's going to happen. While we never made a big thing of Easter, it's the first time she will be away for one.

 

So...I can figure out the goodies to send her for a "basket in a box"...so far a candy is concerned...but...anything else strike you as interesting or groovy?

 

I'd like it to be special...but I'm not sure WHAT to send.

She loves the Monty Python bunny...and she is six kinds of gaming geek, among other things.

 

Help?

 

 

 

 

 

I've lived with someone  more than 20 years who acquired adult onset diabetes. If you look around online, there's all sort of website, pages, and info about dealing with it...but next to nothing to help you if you are the partner, or significant other of a diabetic. So at risk of pissing off other people, I want to talk about what I have observed, and how it's effected me, and my family.  First off,. diabetes is the most INDIVIDUAL disease in the world...bar none.  One form of control can work great for one person---and fail utterly in another. In layman's terms, diabetes is an imbalance of insulin, that results in too much sugar in the blood. Long term, it can destroy your body, a piece at a time...but since the initial damage is very gradual, most people can ignore the symptoms...until the disease has a firm foothold, and the damage is permanent.

Some forms of diabetes can be controlled by diet, or non-insulin meds...but once you start using insulin on a regular basis, you will become insulin dependent. For whatever reason, the pancreas stops making an adequate supply of insulin to the body, and you have to supplement it so that you can continue to digest food. I know...people SWEAR they will able to stop taking insulin, ate something on a regular basis, and bang...they were CURED. I have never met one, however.  What I have met is people who stopped controlling, or trying to control their diabetes, and paid for it later, big time.  But all of that is about the diabetic...not the people they live with.

Sorry folks, and no offense meant, but based on my experience (and that of several people I have observed) living with a diabetic is a HUGE pain in the ass. They have constant anger issues about their disease. They resent that is can control their lives...and worse...their low sugars and high sugars can lead them to nasty, aggressive, or abusive behavior...most that they later deny happened. God pity you if you are the "normal" one. You're expected to not only help them manage their disease, but constantly forgive the verbal abuse, the anger, and the emotional crap that comes with it.

And you try...you really do. But after two decades, it wear thin. You tell yourself it's not their fault...they don't mean to be that way...but after a while, you just get pissed about it. It's not your disease, but it becomes your PROBLEM...and you learn to not expect courtesy, much less gratitude form your partner. The anger and tension is exhausting. If you remind them to take their shots or meds, you're being a nag.  If you don't remind them, you're being indifferent, or uncaring. If you cook things they are supposed to eat, they get grouchy---because it's boring. If you cook something else, and they gain weight, or get weird sugars, you are trying to "kill them". You can't win. So after a while, you stop trying.

No surprise, diabetics divorce more often any other group where chronic issues exist. The men can suffer from sexual dysfunction. Both men and women are constantly battling their weight, which effects not only their health, but their self image.

I often wished there was a support group somewhere, for the partners of diabetics. A place where we could go to rant, purge, or scream, when our other halves hit that WALL of dysfunction. Maybe it would have helped. But two decades of blame, and biting your tongue? That' hard.  INSANE hard. There's nowhere to go with your own hurt, and anger,and the diabetic does NOT want to hear it.  It is written off as you "dumping" on them.  They forget what happens when their sugars plummet---and you have to bring them back from incomprehension. They don't remember when their sugars are high---and they get verbally---or even physically abusive.

But I think the worst thing is that they have no idea how terrifying their disease is to us...or how lonely it feels when they shut you down, or shut you out when you need to talk about it. You are unpaid help...and they don't want to discuss it.  They have no idea what it feels like...to wake up next to someone soaking the bed with sweat, who can barley speak. You dry them off, change the sheets, make sure they get sugar to bring them back...all the while half asleep yourself.  You have no options. It's you, or nothing. You do it first out of care...later out of obligation...but each time they bitch you out about something after, it burns.  And it wears you down. It makes you ragged.

I wish I had an answer for anyone else going through this.

I wish I could say it gets better.

But from what I have seen, and lived, a relationship is just another fatality of diabetes...like their toes, or fingers...something they may end up losing. No matter how much you want to be there for them, no matter how hard you try to be a "sport", diabetes will always be stronger than you are. And that is a damned shame.

 

 

As I type this, the SCOTUS is listening to the case for Affordable Health Care.

 

If you've been around Xanga even briefly, you'll know that this issue is hotly debated more than almost any other---save red button issues like abortion. My own blog has covered my issues and battles with the insurance industry for more than a decade, long before Michael Moore did SICKO...ages before anyone really cared about the topic. What disgusts and amuses me in turns is how completely CONNED the citizens are on this. The Insurance Industry has done a brilliant job of manipulating the media, and the public. It has paid off for them HUGELY...while we bicker, and shout about who should get what...they collect a sweet 25 percent, year in, and year out. Only they REALLY have rigged the game nicely. What other industry can take your money...and deliver NOTHING?

Talk about SWEET!

 

In the industry they call it "Deny, Delay, and Defend". They have the numbers, compiled over decades, and know certain things you do not.  For instance...if you make a claim on your insurance, (Let's keep it to health, for this) if they can hold you off for three years, there is a 12 percent probability that you will die...before they have to cover anything. And since your claim dies with you, it's gravy for them. Even if they end up paying, the longer they hold you off, the more interest they make on the money they keep. Case handlers get HUGE bonuses for not paying claims...nice work if you can get it..and lack a conscience. But wait...it gets BETTER. The Industry had managed to convince us that they will STOP SELLING INSURANCE if we don't do what they want. And we believed it. In part, we are scared...insurance used to seem smart...now it is essential. "Self Insuring" used to be possible...about 40 years back. Now, many providers won't let you make an appointment without an insurance card...and if you do pay cash, you get skinned alive.  Full rack rate---hundreds of dollars for one visit to a specialist.

And yes...the industry made that happen. In my state, they pushed through "no fault" when I was a kid...supposedly to save consumers money. That didn't work too well. But it guaranteed the industry over 8 million policies a year. Insurance is mandatory to drive...and less than ten percent of all drivers have accidents of any kind. Less than one percent have a "serious injury" (defined as costing more than 10K in medical care). But they pay the small claims without question. The ones that required long term care? Surgery? THOSE they deny. In my state currently, you have ten days from the moment of an accident to get medical treatment without asking the permission of your insurer. After that, every aspirin, every test, every consult requires their ok. But wait...it gets better. Even if they pre-cert you for a visit, test or procedure, they write on the bottom "Not a Promise of payment."  (A logical person might ask what the fucking point was...) The practice of not paying, delaying, and underpaying claims has led to doctors, labs and facilities refusing to see accident victims.

 

Let me repeat that.

The practice of not paying, delaying, and underpaying claims has led to doctors, labs and facilities refusing to see accident victims.

Recap:

1.You MUST have insurance to drive.

2. You have insurance, that you paid for.

3.You have an accident.

4.The most expensive part of the insurance is the medical coverage...and because you have it your health insurance doesn't have to cover the injuries. (They are off the hook.)

5. The number of doctors who will accept your insurance is drastically reduced...because they don't want to deal with the claims.

6. If your doctor says you need something, the insurer can sit on the claim for 90 days...before rejecting it.

7. Once they reject it, each state has a separate appeal process you have to go through...and most take months. Generally, the policy holder will prevail...but that is MONTHS later. If you are in pain, or can't work from an injury, that might not work too well for you.

8. If you hire a lawyer out of sheer frustration, to get treated, they get to ignore you completely...which they will if you don't have one...but it's LEGAL for them to do so.

9. They will comb thorough your medical records, searching for a reason to deny your claim. Better hope you never sprained something as a kid...because if they can find an ER report, you can get screwed...today.

10. If your state has an Insurance Division, their purpose is NOT to protect you, the consumer.  In my state, they exist exclusively to take tips on insurance "fraud"...which doesn't include anything the insurance companies to us.

 

But I digress.

 

My medical insurance is from a huge company. Several times a year, they stop paying my claims, because their computer has notes in it that say I have had accidents. (That they paid nothing to) So when i see a doctor for any reason, it kicks out the claims...for "examination". During that time, the claims are left to sit...unpaid bills against my credit. Oh, and don't let some idiot tell you "medical doesn't count against your credit"...that is bullshit. But this supposedly "over- regulated" industry has the power to take your money, give you nothing---or delay payments long enough that you can choose between paying them out of pocket, and having your credit trashed. If you pay out of pocket, you have to pay the full rack rate---not the "Negotiated rate"...and then you have to fight with the provider for the difference BACK...because your insurer will not reimburse you what you paid.

Getting dizzy yet?

 

After my last accident, I wanted to be sure I would never again be gutted for medical bills. If you have 80 percent coverage (plus deductibles and co-pays, of course.) and your treatment costs 100K, that's 20K for you.  So each time I needed to see a doctor, or have a test, I called my health insurer to find out what they considered "Reasonable and Customary".  (That is what they will pay for a procedure, exam, test, consult, med, etc.)  Funny thing...if you call something "reasonable" or customary, wouldn't that imply that SOMEWHERE, someone was actually charging that rate? Silly rabbit! It has nothing to DO with what the charges are...it has everything to do with that the insurance company can get away with paying., namely, as little as possible. The first thing they do is ask you your zip code. Huh? Nope...seriously...what they pay will be based on your zip code. Now, perhaps no one in your area supplies a particular service. Maybe you have to go to a larger city to get it. Doesn't matter. The payment schedule will be based on WHERE you live, rather than where something is done. It makes perfect sense...for the INSURANCE company. They pay less, you pay more. Such a deal!

 

This has been going on for decades. Once upon a time, they used to make good money PAYING out claims...because they have a much larger pool of patrons who are NOT sick...then they hit on this idea. How do we get their money...and pay out nothing?  Better still...how do we get the consumers to SUPPORT our charging them the moon for something they won't ever get? Simple...you set the cat amongst the pigeons...and watch the feathers fly.  Make them afraid the Government will control their healthcare...so they won't notice that our accountants are actually doing it. That's the ticket...oh...and while we're at, tell them it's THEIR money.

 

Stop Bob...my god---you're killing me!  But sadly, it's true. Instead of focusing on the shell game that medical insurance (not to mention others) have become, the country is now focused on ripping out each others throats. We've allowed ourselves to be seduced into thinking that we should have a say in other people's healthcare...but not our own. "Well I don't want to pay medical bills for people who drink or smoke, or are high risk..." Honey, no one with a pulse is LOW risk. If you live a pristine life, and follow all the rules, they will focus on your parents, or grand parents and find reasons to deny you. Worse, they got us ignoring their fraudulent practices, and turned this into a political football. That was a real stroke of genius...much as I hate to say it. "Don't let them CHANGE your health insurance!" (because if they did, we'd have to go back to paying claims dammit.)

I do wish people would stop being so damned stupid.

In every other area, we follow the money. It is a powerful motive, and controls so much. But where health insurance is concerned, we ignore the fact that they make an obscene profit, control a huge lobby, helped pen most of the legislation, and are going to win no matter WHAT...and demonize people who are simply asking that everyone have some sort of access to medical care. "I got MINE" is not our national credo. We should not be behind third world countries in the medical care our people get. And you can hate Obama all you like...it doesn't change the fact that people who HAVE insurance are increasingly not able to afford to use it..because the price of it is just not something they can afford, with the deductibles and co-pays. We gave the industry this power. We can take back control of our medical care...but only if we are willing to stop being such lemmings. As long as they can march you off the cliff, they don't have to do a damned thing.

 

But that's not important, is it?

More important to fight and squabble, and think you have control. Bullshit. They do.

Now what are you going to do about it?

 

 

 

 

Several years back, the site About Poetry  started featuring some of my work, as examples of contemporary poetic expression. For you, the spring collection might be about clothes...but for me, it's the writing!

 

http://poetry.about.com/library/weekly/blshieldsspring.htm

 

http://dangerpants.delgrosso.com/post/18380846296/in-case-you-were-wondering-the-bbc-approved

 

 

 

Back in 2007, I blogged about the housing market, and ARMS's...and whenever I look at footprints for xanga, it seems like SOMEONE  is reading that one.

http://galadrial.xanga.com/585864106/outsmarting-yourselfthe-arm-bubble-to-come/

As of this moment, there are over 670 views...possibly my most read piece.

I wonder why?

 

 

 

When I was in college back in the early 80's, I hung with the writers, the artists, and yes, the feminists. I used to get pissed off when people dismissed "Women's Studies" as stupid---or just fluff. I chewed through every book I could find back then...fascinated by the idea that women actually DID have a part of our history...and hopeful that we would have a future full of promise. I remember Crystal and Terry...they were "serious" feminists. I was just a newbie. Roe/Wade was the law of the land. ERA still had a glimmer...and Reagan was not yet president. I remember when Terry and Crystal talked about the "new fights", but cautioned that our newly won rights in the area of reproductive freedoms were fragile. Only with vigilance could we maintain our liberty.

 

And I backed slowly away---thinking they were too radical...and probably  crazy. There was no turning back the clock. Women would never have to worry about being forced to breed til they died. Back alley abortion would forever be a thing of the past. And for sure there would be better contraception. They were working on a pill for men. We didn't have equal rights---we didn't earn the same pay...but it WOULD get better.  The fine, articulate voices of the Women's movement---the Steinem's, the Friedan s, The Abzugs...all ended up being eclipsed by more radical (and in my humble) insane personalities like Andrea Dworkin. And women my age decided that feminism was not worth the trouble.  It made people think you were a dyke. It made men uncomfortable, and confrontational...and if you were job hunting, you BETTER not sound like a man hater.

 

So feminism became quaint. The young women stopped reading Shulamith Firestone,  and stopped thinking about their own futures...their own dreams. Once Reagan was elected, ERA (the Equal Rights ACT) was shot down. Oh, it was an AWFUL, EVIL Horrible bit of legislation---COMPLETELY Radical. It's opponents swore it would end life as we knew it in these United States, destroy families---and maybe even kill puppies.

 

The complete text...in ALL It's BRAZEN, BLAZING GLORY:

 

Section 1. Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.

Section 2. The Congress shall have the power to enforce, by appropriate legislation, the provisions of this article.

Section 3. This amendment shall take effect two years after the date of ratification.^[1][2]

              You're probably wondered where the "radical" part is.  I didn't edit it. Or delete anything. That's whole law...and it was defeated. People said things were fine. Women did not NEED a special law to make them equal.

              Fast forward to the present. In the last several months, we've been told:

1. Women who use contraception are sluts.

2. Women should not be in the military...because we 're too emotional, and might make the men uncomfortable.

3. Fully a THIRD of our service women have been raped, or sexually abused during their service.

4. Women don't understand what abortion is. They are too stupid to grasp the concept unless we SHOW them PICTURES OF THEIR FETUS---PRODUCED by forcing an trans-vaginal probe in them, so they UNDERSTAND what they are doing.

5. Women are also too stupid to know what rape is...so a bunch of old men form each state have to beat it into their heads, so they don't LIE and say they were raped.

6. Women should not work outside the home...it's bad for the kids.

7. Women should NEVER collect welfare or food stamps...it's bad for the country.

8. Since contraception is not foolproof, women should STOP having sex...not both men and  women...JUST the women.  (Ponder that a second.)

9.  Employers have the RIGHT to examine your medical records, and deny you coverage if something in them is against THEIR religious beliefs...despite the fact that you have the right to privacy.

10. If you choose to have an abortion, they will do everything in their power to degrade, and shame you for it...even though abortion is legal.

         

               I speak only for myself---but I don't feel "EQUAL" at all.  I feel like every one of my rights is up for grabs. I feel like I can be violated in ways that it used to be illegal to mention...and the GOVERNMENT, which everyone wanted to make smaller is suddenly trying to occupy my Vagina---and the private parts of every other woman in our country.

              I don't agree with this bullshit. And every time I think I've heard the max---the absolute tops for crazy---another old guy from the GOP (or occasionally a woman) opens their mouth...and out pops yet another frog or snake. Crazy people are saying "Well I don't want to pay for some woman's birth control pills, because Why should I?" Well HON, you're on your fifth or sixth kid...paid for by EVERYONE'S insurance premiums, and no one asked ME if you could have one...so I think it balances. (I think stupid people shouldn't breed, so I am biased.)

             States are arguing for "personhood", that would grant a ZYGOTE rights they NEVER granted women. (See the part about shooting down ERA). But for 30 years I have been listening to all manners of happy horseshit about how "FEMINISM" destroyed the American Family". BALLS. I know women who would bitch slap you for implying, much less saying that they were "feminists". Call me silly, but that is not exactly dealing from a position of power.

              You probably never had this conversation...but I remember it well. You would be talking and suddenly, someone would look at you and say..."Wow...you sound like one of those ball busting feminists."  Well then...you could say "Yes I am", but the conversation would end. Or you could try the wishy washy "I am a feminist, but I don't want to bust anyone's balls". (Sounds stupid, and they STILL weren't  listening. But my all time favorite..."You FEMINISTS don't want to be EQUAL...you want to be SUPERIOR.".

             "No...honest...we're fine with equal."

              But it was wasted breath. They would not let go of the SUPERIOR bullshit. Years later, I understood that  in their strange little minds, they feared losing the upper hand---which was why equality threatened them so much.  They couldn't grasp that granting one group the SAME rights the others enjoyed wasn't taking ANYTHING from them. We're SUPPOSED to be equal. If we are not, you are getting something MORE...which means we aren't equal at all.

             * When groups of elected men can discuss contraception WITHOUT including women in the dialog...we are NOT Equal.

             * When a candidate running for office can offer our reproductive freedom like a snack  at a party...we are NOT Equal.

             *When women finally out number men for advanced degrees, and we are told it makes the guys feel bad...we are NOT Equal.

             * When the majority of cuts to social programs will effect women with children, grant them no health care, and strip them of public education, we are NOT equal.

             *When women are still blamed for sexual abuse and rape, while victims of any other crimes get empathy and support...we are NOT Equal.

             *When 90 year old men can get Viagra with Medicaid, but young mothers are denied the pill...we are NOT Equal.

             

            

    Feminism did not hurt this country. We did. We were too busy worrying about bullshit.  Too many chased the Yuppie Dream, of a party someone else would pay for...but women tried to be the best they could. We wore ourselves out, trying to be MEGA-MOMS, and Wonder Women...trying to have it all...until we were having as many heart attacks as the men.  But we never got to "EQUAL".  Tell me you can listen to a word of the vile crap that has been passing these last months, and honestly say that the people speaking it  consider women to be whole, valid, viable people, in ANY sense of the word. I DARE YOU.

              Our daughters deserve better.

              Our sons need to know that wanting to be "equal" won't make them less...but more than they are now.

               Isn't it time we stopped worrying about what people might "say" about us...and worried more about what they seem ready to DO to us...if we don't make out voices heard?

 

St Patrick's Day is not the best time to ponder booze...since most people will be out drinking it.

But it's 5:37 AM, and something I saw yesterday has been eating at me all night. I used to dabble in local politics. I was a Board Member in my community---which is home to about 10,000 people...2700 households. I ran, and was elected three times. I was even on the Executive Board...something I found mildly amusing. But while doing my thing, I ran into a lot of people. Some were politicians...and i saw one this morning I have not spoken to in years. He was on the Town Council for a long time...but he got busted over a year ago for drunk driving. That took me by surprise. When I knew him, he never struck me as the type. But this morning he crossed my path on the way to the bagel store...and at 10AM, he was lurching all over the place. If you've ever seen someone trying to walk after drinking too much, you know what I'm talking about.  They are TRYING really hard to walk normally...but it shows.

So...I'm guessing that drinking is still a problem for the dude. And no...I'm not judging. I quit smoking cigarettes 37 days ago, so getting all preachy about someone Else's addiction is just tacky. But all day, it's been bothering me. If you count people I knew as friends, or acquaintances, I know five who have managed to kill themselves with alcohol. Only one was drunk driving. The others drank themselves to death...two before they were 30. One was a brilliant writer I knew at college. He was on the reserved side...at least around me. He died at 25. The other was a co-worker who was a sweet guy...but man...he could NOT stop drinking. He went on one of those cruises a year before he died---and drank so much on the first day, he spend five days in a coma in the medical unit on board. We had him over to dinner one night, and he didn't seem to be doing badly. The next think I knew, he was puking in my bathroom, and half passed out.  We drove him home, and found out he was taking a med to suppress the urge to drink...but of course, you're not supposed to drink when you take it. That was what made him sick.

We helped him to his door. His mother came out, and gave us such a look. HE was 28 at the time, and I'm not sure what she thought we could do to stop him...but she just nodded, and walked him into the house. Six months later, he died...alcohol poisoning. While people I know have certainly dabbled with this or that, I don't know anyone who ever died from a substance issue, other than drinking. The LEGAL one.  The substance we tax, like cigarettes, to benefit those of us who don't do either.  Even with years of education, most people still have a "Well, it's just booze" attitude  about it, and all things considered, that is perplexing. An addiction is an addiction. We only got interested in it because drunk drivers kept killing people. And while people have  cut down on that ( I think) due to mandatory fines, losing your license, and stricter penalties...we still don't look at alcohol as dangerous.

When it comes to booze, you could call me a "cheap date". I have no head for the stuff. One glass of wine and I get the giggles. Two, and I better be close to a bed, because I WILL fall asleep. I don't object to people drinking around me..unless they get shit faced on a regular basis. Talking to people who are seriously drunk stopped being amusing in college...it it was, even then. Dealing with vomit? Ummm...no thanks. And I've learned that it effects everyone differently. You have your happy drunks...those I tolerate well, though I will still keep their keys, and insist they spend the night. Then you have mean drunks---who become belligerent the instant booze touches their lips. Sad drunks...who get morose. Or the ones who think they become George Carlin after a few.  It there is anything less amusing than someone who can't stop laughing at their own joke long enough to actually TELL it, I don't know what that is.

It's just that aside from the dead, I know too many people that alcohol screwed up.  Yes, I know the argument...they were already screwed up...they just chose alcohol...or it chose them...but I'm just reporting what I've watched. I think the most negative thing it does is remove your filters. We need the filters we acquire in life to survive. Booze makes them go away...or fade far enough that it seems like a really GOOD idea to tell the six foot eight gorilla in the bar that you REALLY do think he is an asshole...or confess to your steady that you slept with an old flame...or of COURSE you can drive...or maybe just try some asinine stunt to get in the next Jackass movie...that ends up qualifying you for a Darwin Award instead.

So I'm not going to give a temperance lecture. I assume you are a grown up (if you are, in fact) and understand the deal. But I keep seeing that man today. He had so much going for him...a decent job, respect, a future...and now that's all gone. There was something so sad about watching him try to walk like he was anyone else...just heading for a bagel fix on a nice Saturday  morning. I guess I've been lucky. Booze was always something I could take or leave...no big thing. But seeing him reminded me of the lost. One of them died just before he was tried for running someone over...had he survived, there was an excellent chance he would have done time for it, since it wasn't a first offense.  It also reminded me of the asshole in Florida...head of the Miami Beach Polo Club, or some such.  He was the one who adopted his 43 year old girlfriend---so he could divest himself of all his assets before he he got dragged to court for killing someone else in a drunk driving incident.  (That one is being contested...by his ACTUAL children, who are not thrilled with the move.)

I guess I just would request that you all take care of yourselves out there. Don't hurt yourselves...or anyone else.

Have a lovely St. Patrick's day...and enjoy the green beverages...

 

Namaste.