April 26, 2012

  • Our Divided House...The Civil War and Now

    I just finished the first episode of Ken Burns "The Civil War"...an exceptional documentary on the topic, made in 1990---and I could not help but note the parallels to our time...not could I fail to observe the elements that also lack in our society.

     

    The expression used most often for the Civil War period is "The Cause." There is much debate amongst historians about what actually caused the war, but anyone who automatically answers "Slavery" didn't study history much beyond high school. (That is NOT a compliment.) I'm also not impressed by the "State's Rights" answer...because that is just as limited. Certainly, slavery was a focus point---and the abolitionist movement was a driving force. But the Civil War was about determining not merely what our ship of state would look like---but where it would go, and how. The odd part is that it's not all that different from our current conflicts, where politics is concerned. The agrarian South was about agriculture---The North was about industrialization. Both required labor to fuel their industry---and both were possessed of uniquely myopic views of the other. The North favored stiff tariffs on goods from Europe---which would make locally made products more desirable because they were less pricey. The South wanted NO tariffs---and preferred to sell their cotton and others stuffs to the European market, where it fetched a far better price. (Cotton was a MIRACLE in that time. Most cloth was wool up to then---even summer clothes. Cotton was lighter, softer, and stood up better to washing. Unless you could afford silk from China, it was the Bomb.)

    Because the North had more major cities and ports---not to mention factories to offer employment, it became a magnet for immigrants. The cites grew, as did the industry...but the way of life in the South was very different.

     

    Now...fast forward to today. People wonder why so many people who are the 99 percent PROTECT AND DEFEND the 1 percent. Maybe for the same reason that the unlanded, ungentrified Southerner fought the Civil War. It certainly wasn't about slaves---since most of them didn't own any. I think the answer to the why is both more complex, and more simple than most imagine. The North was a haven to the Nouveau Rich, people from humble roots, who made their fortunes with "new money". In our current society, the AGE of your boodle is not relevant. Money opens just about Every door there is. It's hard for us to imagine a world where simply being wealthy wouldn't have been "enough" to give you a place in "Society". When the Robber Barons of the Industrial Age found themselves excluded, they made THEIR own society...using the money the "old school society" folks found vulgar, and tacky. It's harder still to consider the view of Southern Gentility---existing cheek and jowl with African Slavery. The landed families were the "cream" of their society...and for them, land was more important than cash, because land could GET you cash...and position besides.

     

    (And before anyone goes there, The North was NOT Abolitionist Paradise. They did not go into the war to free ANYONE---and as recently as the American Revolution practiced Indentured Servitude...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indentured_servant which differed from slavery legally---but was still pretty damned awful.  Most of the people who were indentured servants were sold by their parents, before they came of age, in exchange for passage, food, clothing, and training in a work skill. The indentures could be as long as seven years---but if a "master" felt the servant had not given "good value", could extend the indenture---without the consent of the servant. Technically, it was not forever. Your children (if you had them) could not be sold...but women could have their indentures extended if they became pregnant. But you DID have a master. They did not own you---they owned your labor. And call me cynical, but I am betting they worked the IS just as hard as any "slave". You could also be beaten or punished---and they also frequently made their "bonded servants" wear collars made of metal and leather so they could be identified as "property". So I am not buying the "benevolent Yankee" stereotype.)

     

    So you have to ask...WHY did the North go to War with the South? I've looked over the various theories...but it's like Bill Clinton said.."It's the Economy, Stupid!".

    Even then.

    What makes me uneasy is listening to the rhetoric that caused the Civil War. It doesn't sound very different from the stuff we're hearing now. "State's Rights" sounds compelling...until you kick the hornet's nest. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Dred Scott. (Most of us heard the name in high school history.) The crux of his case was that when his owner moved from a Slave State, to a free state, he should no longer have been considered a slave. The court at the time handed down a GODAWFUL decision---that Scott HAD no rights---and had to remain property. But it took THREE amendments to the Constitution to give Black MEN citizenship, and the right to vote. (Black women had to wait til the  19th amendment passed 40 years later for that.)

     

    Now...the whole States Rights thing. Interesting notion...but MAN it can screw the pooch. We have 50 different sets of standards for something like Adoption. Legal in one state doesn't translate into legal elsewhere. Let's say you have a baby in NJ while you are married. If your spouse can prove (With a DNA test for instance) that the baby isn't his, and you divorce, he doesn't have to pay the child support. But in Pennsylvania, all offspring are assumed to be the "product of the marriage", DNA be DAMNED. If a woman has a child while married, so long as no divorce was granted, her ex gets the child support.) THAT boys and girls is an example of States Rights in reality. Now some argue that if you don't like the laws ,you can move elsewhere. Hey...FINE idea...except for two things...one is MONEY...and uprooting to a different state is not cheap. And Two...most people don't know they don't LIKE a law...until it's too late.

    Another example. In NJ, when a girl becomes pregnant, she automatically is considered an adult. Sounds nuts, right? Only...what are the OTHER options? Say a 15 year old girl becomes pregnant.  Her parents decide SHE must have a baby...or an abortion. Forcing her to abort is wrong...but forcing her to have a child she will then be made to  either raise herself, or put up for adoption is also wrong. The law is based on the idea that in NJ, parents can't make a decision that will effect their child PAST the age of 18. If you force a 15 year old to have a baby, or an abortion against their will, you are crossing the line. Some people LIKE the statute. It also means that you can't be forced to support your child's kid. Some see that as a plus.  But take your pick. Other states will not let a minor have an abortion without parental consent. They can have babies, of course...even if mom and dad don't like it.

    My point is that our country is seriously BI-POLAR at the moment. No compromises---no pulling together for common good, or goals. The last time we hated each other this much, we actually had a WAR...and that troubles me. We are lazy, selfish bastards these days. We don't want to go to war...we just want to CONTROL other people...what they do, how they live, even how they think. That doesn't work too well. I wish we could get behind ONE issue...all of us. I wish we would make a commitment to SOMETHING other than "I GOT MINE". We somehow went from a Nation United, to fifty crazy bastards, screaming at each other, calling each other names---and spinning our wheels. but going no where.

     

    So people...if you could pick ONE thing...what would it be? And maybe you could explain why you think that one thing is something we ALL need to do? Yes, you're taking a chance. Maybe you will be challenged. If that happens---great. It means someone actually HEARD you...even if they don't agree.  Make your case. We'll listen.

April 25, 2012

April 20, 2012

April 17, 2012

  • Say NO to the "glow"

    http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/a-death-by-suntan-at-age-26-1227159.html

     

     

    It's prom season, meaning that the kids will ask for a tanning bed visit to "look hot", or start hitting the beaches.

    Unfortunately, the 18-25 crowd is starting to show up with melanoma---the worst of the skin cancers, and they are making VERY direct links between bare skin and tanning bed tans, and these outbreaks. This is serious...it KILLS. So...think about it, please?

  • PICK UP Tommorow!

    I have less than a day to reduce and pitch.

    I have lived in the same house for almost 30 years.

    Because of my parents, I never throw stuff out...the whole "You might need it someday" mindset.

    All That is changing...but I I've got to get on the stick and make a big push tonight.

    If I haven't used it in 6 months, its history....OUTTA HERE!

April 16, 2012

  • F Buddies, And Friends

    At risk of being branded hopelessly gauche, not with it, or simply a moralistic old fart, I am weighing in on the topic of "Fuck buddies".

    This is not, contrary to the mythos, a new concept...it's just that the current generation gave it a name.  It's been around for at least three decades...and is still IMHO, a BAD idea. Put down the torches and pitchforks...this isn't about "morality". It's about common sense, and a life time of personal observation.SO here's the basis:

    1. Human nature is not fond of rules.

    2. No matter what you "agree to", the heart has it's own ideas. And it's not at all unusual for the heart and brain to be "frenemies"  in the same body.

    3. When you put something off limits, it becomes all the more enticing.

    4. Once you cross the "lovers/friends line, you CAN'T go back.  Don't look at me like that...it's TRUE. You never look at someone the same way again after you've been naked together, touched their skin, or tasted them. Why do you think "exes" almost never get along? In part at least, it's because you can't "un-know" someone. You can withdraw...you can end the relationship, and move on...but you can't erase your knowledge of that person. Fuck Buddies are no different.

    5. And my favorite...fuck buddies are based on a logical fallacy. Supposedly they are a friend you can sleep with, because you don't have time for a "relationship", don't want the complications of one,  or "fill in the blank" reason for not getting "involved". Hello? You're already involved, if this person was a friend, prior to the moment you dropped your panties. You have added sex to a non-sexual relationship. and expect that it will not complicate things...in WHAT alternative universe is that really going to work?

    Humans are messy, particularly where emotions are concerned.

    In my insane youth, I tried variations on this theme. I did so for the truly crazy  reason that I really LIKED a man...so much so that I was afraid to date him, in case it ruined the friendship, and I'd  lose him if it ended. I was SO proud of myself for not getting all "girl-y" and attached. I just never in a million years imagined that HE WOULD. Oh. Crap. Then I learned something else, that I had not counted on. When you draw the lines of demarcation in your brain, there are things you can accept in a friend that creep you out in a lover...even with a "small l".  So virtually overnight, I found myself with a besotted buddy, who was doing JEALOUSY at me. Was this the same man, who honestly, and brutally had explained to me that I "wasn't his type"?  I knew his type. He only dated brown haired, brown eyed women. He loved the petite ones---five two and under. I could walk into a bar and LINE UP the women I knew he'd go for, based on three years of hanging out with him...and I would NOT be on the list.

    I have no illusions, or delusions about myself. I was not a love goddess that stunned him between the sheets...but after that night, he decided we were "meant to be". Now understand...three years before, I had seriously crushed on this dude. I wanted to date, and finally mustered the courage to tell him.  He was not happy...because he DID NOT SEE ME THAT WAY. I was more his "sister"...and it would be too weird.  Then I did not hear from him for a few months. One night we met at a party, and returned to our comfortable "pre-declaration" relationship . We hung out. We talked til the  wee hours. We drank coffee in diners til dusk, and helped each other through break ups, and pitfalls. When my apartment lacked AC, I was given couch privileges without a second thought. When his divorce was final, it was my doorstep he showed up on...minutes after court. We were tight. We were close...and we were NOT lovers.

    And then, one night, it didn't seem like the worst idea. But...not for good...not forever...just...one night.

     

    I will say it was educational. But when the sun came up, I was ready to resume the comfortable old relationship...and HE had stars in his eyes.  He started singing songs---and putting my name in them. He wanted to know what we were doing THAT night. And he threw a fit when he found out I had a date. (You did recall the part about how I wasn't his type? Not in the least? Not at all? SO much not his type, that he had been willing to lose the friendship? ) So I was baffled...truly. I thought it would go away...temporary insanity.  But what went away was the friendship. After a month, he got seriously pissed, and delivered an ultimatum. (I should add that we NEVER slept together again...just that one night.) Either I gave up my new boyfriend...or we were OVER.

    "What WE?" I demanded, at last. "A month ago, there was no "we". Three years ago, you practically accused me of heresy for wanting to date you, and NOW "we're a WE?"

    He insisted that "everything changed" on our magical night...and I decided he was right. It HAD. Where once I had a trusted friend and confidante, I suddenly now had a jealous, raging BITCH...and it wasn't pretty. Not at all. We never spoke again. And now I'm sure you think I am basing my opinion on this one episode of life...but you would be wrong. It made me wary...it also made me step back, and observe...how it seems to happen the same way...over and over. We only THINK we can compartmentalize ourselves...body in one place...brain in another, and heart on "bypass".

    Oh...and you can't really get around the "friend" thing. You are...or you are not. You can decide to keep someone a "friend for life"...and still lose them when a future spouse or lover decides that they DON'T want you in the picture. See rule 1 about Control Issues...which is usually "You can't!". We outsmart ourselves all the time. We are so certain we can make things "work"...but in fact, we're fooling ourselves. Very human...and always expected.  So count me out of "fuck buddies". Don't sign me up for "friends with benefits". Always there will be friends...and always there will be lovers...and never the twain shall meet.

     

     

     

     

April 15, 2012

  • American Enough

    I read a lot of blogs, and articles every week. I recognize that people have different ideas, and beliefs...and because I am American, I also recognize their right to that.

     

    Because I am American, I am aware that people are entitled to believe things that I do not. They can believe in one god, or several. They can believe  in Sky Father...or Earth Mother...of the Great Spaghetti Monster. Not my choice...not my call.

     

    Because I am American, I can never support a "national religion" that might strip us of that freedom.

    Because I am American, i must point out respectfully, that your freedom of religion ends...with my freedom of privacy.

     

    I am American enough to support free speech...even speech that I disagree with.

    Because I am American, I pay taxes...even though they are used for things I don't agree with, because that is the price of Society, and community...two things frequently mistaken for "Socialism" and "Communism".

     

    I am American enough to believe that our people do best when they are strong, and healthy---that an education is not an entitlement, but the foundation of a successful life.

    Because I am an American, I believe in people, rather than corporations.  No corporation is a person, or a citizen. Until a corporation can face the death penalty, they can't be a "citizen" . When an individual makes an action that results in someone's death, they face severe penalties---life in jail, or execution.  This is particularly true if they can prove a "profit motive" in the death. A corporation usually pays for lawyers, long trials, fines...and maybe a judgement after the fact...and then deducts it all as a business expense. That is not "equal justice", and I am American enough to say it.

     

    I am American enough to believe what the Constitution says...without it being cut up, or deleted to suit people who don't like it.

    Because I am an American, I understand that my rights don't cancel or contradict anyone else's...and while I may not love every law, I must either rally to eliminate those I consider unjust---or accept them.I am not entitled to violate them at will, because i disagree with them.

     

    I am an American---which means I don't let anyone else tell me I am not "American" enough.  It means I am allowed to disagree, and you aren't allowed to make me "less" an American that you are. It means I think a "patriot" is a hero, who lays down their lives, or puts themselves at risk for our country...not some jerk who wear period clothes, and think taxes are a form of Holocaust.( I had relatives who died in Hitlers...and I am touchy about using that word cheaply. )

     

    Because I am an American, I recognize that our collective wealth is used to our collective good...for roads, and schools, for social security, for prisons, and other elements that maintain the status quo of society.

     

    I am American enough to believe that no one is inferior...by gender, class,means,  race, religion, or sexual orientation. That also means no one is SUPERIOR...or "more entitled" than anyone else. We managed for 200 years to welcome those who were not like us...but wished to become American. We absorbed, and assimilated...and made it possible for others to be part of our world. I, who have had the blessing of being born American, thanks to my immigrant grandparents, owe a welcome to the newbies...who are coming now.

     

    Because I am American, I believe that our best days are not behind us...and that someday we will again find a way to cooperate, as a nation.

     

    I am an American.

    I treasure my rights.

    I respect my responsibilities.

    I value the vote---because one hundred years ago, I would not have been human enough to have one.

     

    Because I am an American.