A few weeks back, I blogged about how it feels to be handicapped, in a world where people are either too rude, or too rushed to be considerate. Today, I witnessed a small event in the Walmart lot that again gave me pause. It didn't happen to me. Another woman was struggling to walk...I am guessing she recently had low spinal surgery, and is trying to regain her mobility. Her gait was ridgid, and she looked like she hurt.

She was on a cell phone---in front of a loaded cart. I was looking for a space, so I passed her a few times. I finally got one---and then noticed the woman who had taken the space next to me talking to---or rather AT the woman. She was MAD. Apparently, the woman's friend had parked as closely as possible, so she would not have to walk further. (She had no handicapped tag, I am guessing) I should point out that he friend was obeying the law...the front of Walmart is a fire zone...so she put her car at the end  of an asile, behind the handicapped row.

But the able bodied woman was MAD. They were in her way. I don't think she was help up more than five seconds...but she NEEDED to express that anger.

SERIOUSLY? Is this woman's life so small and miserable, that she has to take her frustrations out on someone in obvious pain? She couldn't have been in a huge hurry...she was going into WALMART. They don't have an emergency room. I can't think of a single thing that would have caused the able bodied woman to go off like that.

The woman she went off on flipped out. I guess she was a bit shocked by the behavior. I have a friend who has a handicapped placard for his daughter. He only uses it when she is with him...but he has been questioned, and sassed by others who DEMAND to know what he did to "deserve it". So it's not just me...being over senstive...and I find myself wondering what is going on in people's heads, or lives.

Are you really so desperate, that the thought that someone who who may have trouble walking is allowed a closer space...making it less painful for them sends you into a rage? Do you really feel like something is being "taken" from you?

You rage about "entitlement", why? Anyone who needs the space, or the electric carts would really rather NOT...and honestly, we don't feel "entitled". I suspect a lot feel the way i do...a bit embarassed that we need something out of the ordinary...and we'd like to feel grateful that it exists...but honestly, we could live without the attitude? It isn't costing you anything, Sunshine...and btw...the day may come when you, or someone you care for needs such a thing.

What is going on today---that people are so hateful? Times are hard...but when it was boom time, I really didn't notice a lot of human kindness happening. I remember being relieved, when my daughter was finally placed in an out of district school, where they were able to sort out her needs, and issues. I was telling a friend about it...and suddenly found myself facing a HARANGUE---about how high the taxes were for a kid like MINE...as if my taxes hadn't paid for everyone else's kids, long before I had one of my own?

I'm wondering about "community". and when we stopped being about that. When we first moved here, I had no family close by. I was always floored when people assumed "someone would help". We got by...we made it. I never expected help...but I tried to be helpful, when other people needed a hand. But my god...people have just gotten so thoughtless, and mean.

What the hell is wrong with us?

Lots of thoughts...too many feelings...

Dear Fuck-Tards...

I don't CARE THAT YOU "NEVER HAD TROUBLE" WITH YOUR HEALTH INSURANCE. I had a DECADE TO FIGHT MINE, WHICH WAS IN FACT aetna.

My costs go up.

My coverage goes down.

They are frauds...and  if you don't think so, nifty for you.

I GOT SCREWED...along with hundreds of thousands, if not millions of others who paid for insurance then had to FIGHT to get what they paid for.

So I really don't give a flying fuck that it didn't happen to you.

Is it bad...that I am DYING for this movie to open?

That I plan to objectify the men folk?

Use them for fantasy fodder?

Sigh...

My daughter caught the midnight show in Salem tonight...no lie...I have NEVER seen her that excited about a movie after the fact.

Not Harry Potter.

Not Avatar.

Not even the LOTR trilogy...and she adored them all.

No...she called it PERFECT...knowing full well that is next to impossible.

She is jibbering for joy over Skype as I type this...so if I were you, I would get my butt out there to see it!

(I'm planning the Sunday Cheap Matinee...)

Maybe you've read some  of my blogs on that Oxymoron of Medicine...Pain Management.

After a decade, I am underwhelmed.

Not even WHELMED.

I find it painful, stupid, and pointless.  A recent article I read identifies pain as the most under-treated condition in the US...while people are becoming addicted to Oxycontin, and Oxycodone. A real patient goes through hell---contstantly jumping through hoops to prove to each pain practitioner that you are not:

1. A drug seeker.

2. A drama queen. (male or female)

3. A hysteric.

4. A head case, looking for attention.

In a decade, I've had spinal surgery twice. In each case, they cut open my vertebra, and replaced the damaged disc with bone harvested from my hips. In each case, the surgery was a success. BUT...the results wane. Two to four years of relief...then the symptoms slowly begin again. My damage was c-4 to c-7. When you take an injury there, it can effect your body BELOW that line...neck, shoulders, wrists, fingers...mid back, low back, legs...get the picture? You can also get headaches...but hey...who's counting?

I also took damage in my lower spine that I never had corrected. The doctor I saw for that explained that I would lose 40 percent of the movement to my low back if I had the work done. You might not be able to appreciate what that means. But after the metal plate and screws were put in my neck, I lost 15 percent of movement there. Meaning I can't turn my head beyond a certain point. It make driving more difficult. Mostly, it's annoying...but I am aware of it.  Multiply that times three. When they tried to fix my foot in the fall (unrelated) i lost a LOT of the mobility in my foot. When you suddenly can't move something that USED to move, life gets complicated. SO...no lower back work.

But...back to pain. My current doc is trying to figure out why my foot still doesn't work...after a "successful" surgery.  He offered me one of two options.

1. A nerve block.

2. A course of treatment with a pain specialist.

Shit.

I am resistant to local anesthetic. They work weirdly with me. A third of the time, no issues. A third, there is a delayed reaction...like three hours AFTER it's supposed to work. And the final third? Total failure.  Oh yeah...and when it "works", my body burns the local at warp speed. (If it's supposed to work for 24 hours, it's gone in 2-4 hours...tricky.)

I have also come to DURING surgery, when they screw up the General. NOT SUGGESTED. Terrifying.

Short form...I am a BAD patient.

So lacking options, I took the nerve block. It was done at 4 pm. The doc expected it to last til tomorrow. By 8:30, it was over...the numb was gone.  So someone tell me WHY the hell I have to fight with EVERY new doctor. Can they read the charts? DO they grasp spinal damage, and chronic pain? I'm not bitching about that part...the hurt of it. But MY GOD, I am tired of the pain specialists, and their "regimens". I'm tired of the stink eye, when I consult with them. I am sick to death of their "techniques", which are usually bullshit. Why do I know more about pain than they do? Why do I understand that the surgeries are a temporary ( still valuable, but TEMPORARY fix? Why do I have to feel guilty asking for a pain script---when other docs are handing them out to people with pulled muscles like M&M's? Why do I have to have blocks---when my medical history says they are bullshit for me? I'm "buying the scripts" with pain and discomfort.

THAT is pain management.

A few years back, I was So frustrated, I stopped taking ALL meds for three years.

No withdrawal. No ill effects. (Well...pain...but I got through that)

I learned what meds to take.

I learned which ones don't work.

I never need to "up the  dosage".

And I only take them when I can't move or walk without them.  Period. No high...no buzz. When you use pain meds correctly, you don't get stoned. If you do. you're either using the wrong drug, or too high a dose. Some people have "addiction issues". I don't.

SO...why is Pain Management such bullshit?

Anyone who watches prescription costs knows that the industry has been pretty much sticking it to consumers for a while.  Over the last decade, I have tried the "direct mail services" that came with our health insurance---and usually gave it up. Usually, for one of the following reasons:

1. They shipped the wrong thing---such as the wrong size insulin syringes. When I complained, they said "Well, can't you sort of guesstimate?" NO asshole...too much insulin will put you in shock....so you need the RIGHT sized syringe.

2. They changed the prescription...shipping 30 pills, when the the doctor wrote for 2-3 times daily. They would then say that was all we were "covered for", doctor's orders be damned.

3. They had no flexibility, even when the mistake was theirs.

Well after a decade, we were finally cornered. The health insurance is now FORCING people to either take their mail service prescriptions, or pay the full cost PLUS a premium of $25.00 over for using the local pharmacy---where they have kept us in good order for two decades. And before anyone goes there, this shit had been happening all along---so blaming Obama for it just means you're an asshole too. We used CVS for years---which worked well. When Desi's father was down at Katrina, covering the disaster, he was able to get his meds without issue---at least after the first week. When you're dealing with a direct mail outfit? Not so much.

So, we got a call saying the meds we expected will not arrive til May 10th...six days after some of the prescriptions run out.  We are "welcome" to buy the meds at full rate...but no...they can't do anything about it. So sorry.

Now maybe you are hale and hearty---and don't need the coverage. Maybe you have REALLY good insurance.  But since I've seen a 2000 dollar tab for 10 days od a MRSA med, I don't suggest anyone try to go without some sort of insurance. Let's do some math...so we know what we're dealing with.

We'll start with Novalog Pens...10 for one month...the market rate is 1100...Test strips are about a buck a piece...105 per hundred. Most diabetics should test 3-5 times a day. That's 3-5 dollars a day...just to know your blood sugars. Then add Levemir Pens...5 a month...with the current insurance, that's 75 bucks a month. So the co pay for insulin alone is 150 dollars. What we found out today is that Medco is discounting---but the costs per month are much higher than they have been. So we're getting a coupon...but the cost is going up...oh yeah...and it's a lot less convenient...and if there is a problem we have to pay full cost...out of pocket, and non-reimbursable.

So anyone who thinks we're all doing fine with the "free market?"? Kiss my parts in Macy's Window. I've been watching this happen for a decade...and now they are using any excuse to screw us over, yet again. And the GOP is all about letting them...Yup...I love this "free market" bullshit.

Say you have 25 bucks to live on for food each week.

Seven days.

You can't live on Ramen...not long term.

I already figured the food value of protein. Eggs and chicken are the most inexpensive...but can get boring.

Carbs have to be complex---with as little gluten as possible...making rice an obvious choice.

So...you have 25 dollars to work with.

What will you get?

No cheating...that's it.

What do you absolutely NEED? Is it coffee? (Made yourself---one Starbucks could kill your budget for two days!)

And I DO appreciate the replies...

I know...for some people blogging is just for fun.

I take it seriously...but I am loosing my patience with people who claim knowledge they absolutely DO NOT POSSESS.

When I bring up history, I try to back it...but when someone claims to know shit they don't...it gets on my last nerve.

Difference of opinion...groovy.

But when you can't get history straight within TWO HUNDRED YEARS?

Stop presenting yourself as an "expert". It's embarrassing to you, and annoying to us. Most may have no idea what the hell you're talking about...but SOME of us have read more than one book in our lives.

When I was 20 and one, I had a collection of suspenders, and felt hats. I also wore silky scarves a lot---not for fashion, but because they FELT like me, somehow. So when my daughter started acquiring things that were well...elaborate for every day dress, I didn't question it.  Just before she went on break, I ordered a lovely dress for her from the Pyramid collection...distinctly middle age looking. She rocked it HARD...between her creamy skin, and the flowing hair...get the picture?

But Desi will also wear such a thing to CLASS, if it suits her. (When she is a teacher, she will have NO trouble getting and keeping the attention of her students.) And yesterday, she did just that. Long story short, during dinner, they set up a 3-d photography event in her Dining Hall. The students could post in front of various backdrops. There was one that looked like the solar system...another was a fish tank...and even one that was a CASTLE. So Desi took off her hoodie...and there she was...dressed perfectly for the occasion. I'll get the pic when she comes home to scan...but there is a lesson in this. Yes, co-splay is usually worn for events or festivals...but in life...sometimes there is a castle...and it pays to be prepared!